Rude, moi?

There is no one in my life who takes things more personally than my mother. Ok, maybe one significant ex, but that's just disturbing by comparison, so I'm moving on. No one currently in my life.

So, was I rude? Not intentionally, but enough to realize she'd see it that way. It wasn't about her at all.

I was walking upstairs with my hands full, carrying a just-filled soap dispenser that was about to drip, when she called after me, "Did you watch Grey's Anatomy?"

"Yes, of course," I said, continuing up the stairs. At the top I called down, "I thought it was really good," but she didn't say anything in response, so I knew the damage was done.

My inflection was just a hair off. What I meant was, "But, of course" with a fake French accent, but instead it came off more clipped like the preoccupied person I was.

Today, I brought up the show at lunch to try and make amends and see where I stood. We were both annoyed that it was a cliffhanger, and we hashed out everything that had been left in the air and told my dad the highlights. I thought I was in the clear.

It didn't last long. She said something as I was putting my plate in the dishwasher that clearly conveyed her annoyance at my comment the previous night.

"I was holding a soap bottle that was starting to drip when I was walking up the stairs. I didn't mean to offend you." I was going to explain more, but she cut me off and was already on her way out of the kitchen.

With her back to me, she said, "Rude is what it was."

I leaned against the counter and slumped down for a minute. It's been a month or so since she last called me rude. Last time, she was emotional and almost in tears. At least this time, she just seemed annoyed with me.

I'm bothered by being called rude because it is not my nature. Am I flawless? Absolutely not. Do I have stupid quirks, especially when it comes to my personal space or tv watching? Definitely. Am I prone to being abrupt when I'm interrupted? Often, though I do a fair job of responding calmly most of the time.

Most people do not take these things personally, because they realize it's not personal. They also realize they have their own quirks and moments of rudeness to be tolerated.

That could be part of the problem I guess. It's not about her, but it affects her, so she thinks it rude. I suppose she's not wrong in that sense, but I do need to be let off the hook when I apologize or try to remedy my behavior. It's not fair to latch onto an unconsidered statement and add it to an ever-growing tally of evidence that I'm rude. There's no improvement to be seen if that's the approach.

I'm also annoyed she hasn't started taking the anti-depressants her doctor prescribed to help with her hot flashes a couple weeks ago. She hasn't even filled the prescription. At first her excuse made sense, wait a couple days after she'd had to fast for bloodwork, but now it's so lame. I'm certain she's afraid of undergoing some radical personality shift. In the past, she's talked about her very brief experience with prescribed valium some 30 years ago. She disliked being that mellow and carefree so much that after a few doses, she got rid of it all. There doesn't seem to be any way to convince her that today's anti-depressants aren't like that. They are an entirely different class of drugs.

It's not fair of me really wanting this "quick fix" for her when I pretty much hated being on anti-depressants myself some years ago. There are loads of side effects worth plenty of concern, but I have seen them do really beneficial things for other people, and I know depression is thick in the mix of her mercurial moods.

Is it rude to post all this? ;)

tags: mother-daughter relationships, anti-depressants, depression, rudeness, social behavior