22 February 2011

Before and After

So... last week I was hoping to get my results on Friday. The woman who took my blood said it was possible, if not, definitely by Tuesday since the doctors' office was closed for Presidents Day.

I mostly chilled out over the weekend but anxiety crept back in yesterday. I was stressed out anyway so for some reason I decided to do my taxes. It did actually distract me though I wouldn't call it relaxing.

Today I'm waiting for the phone to ring again. If I don't hear from them before too long I'll call. My doctor goes to a nursing home or something on Wednesdays so if I don't get him today, I'll have to wait until Thursday. That happened to me last week when he didn't call me back on Tuesday like he was supposed to. Didn't apologize for it when I finally got him Thursday either.

I do not think he shares my sense of urgency and alarm in wanting to know what the frak is going on, how long it will last, if it will get better, etc.

But that's not really why I'm writing.

The thought that keeps recurring to me is: I'm not ready for After. I'm not ready for this to be the point that divides my life into Before and After.

What should I have done Before? Did I waste the last five or so years?

The answer to the latter is probably yes, but I was doing the best that I could at the time.

Even if the cause of my symptom is not the most likely scenario I've trolled from my family tree, even if it goes away entirely, I cannot deny the fragility of my life.

One day you're basically fine, the next you take a prescribed pill to deal with 2 seemingly related odd symptoms and then...? The very unexpected. One symptom is solved while the more alarming one is exponentially worse.

Seems like simple cause and effect, but alas it's not that straightforward. If it were, I'd be better by now.

Be grateful for your bodies, People, even if they don't look the way you want them to. It can all change before you know it. Also, pay attention to them. It's hard to quantify symptoms against what you took for granted.

UPDATE: Well frak! He's doing his nursing home thing today so I have to wait until tomorrow. Figures. Better have some answers or I'm going to be ticked.

UPDATE #2 (Wednesday night): Frakkin' A, man! Still no word even though I called and left yet another message. I hate being jerked around like this!

A year ago on TTaT: Kinetic sculpture: winter, sunny day

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  1. Ack, totally anxiety producing. Hang in there.

  2. Thanks, Cheryl.

    Yeah, it just goes to show how laughable medical tv shows are in that people actually get freakin' diagnosed in a timely fashion. Feels like my doc is waiting for my symptoms to disappear on their own. Not so much at this point. sigh.

    This is wherein I've started thinking how cool it would be to have a concierge doctor at my beck and call. One that I liked and trusted.

  3. Here's hoping you get the results and it's nothing that can't be fixed. Fingers crossed!

  4. Thanks, Sizz. Still no word. Just left *another* message which hopefully conveyed that I want to speak to him results or no. But really, results were supposed to be in definitely on Tuesday at latest, so c'mon already!