Bad Form

In my personal life, I'm done with chasing after people who don't return my calls or emails. If I'm always the one who initiates contact and you don't respond, don't expect to hear from me again for at least 6 months, maybe a year, or possibly ever. As Havi would say, it's on my dammit list.

So this week I've resented that I've been in a position where I've needed to repeatedly call and leave messages for my doctor. Technically I suppose that still falls under personal life. Anyway, I called once each day in the afternoon since the day my lab tech said my results would absolutely be in (Tuesday). He was unreachable on Tuesday since he was off seeing patients at a nursing home. Each time I called, I left messages with the receptionist for him to call me.

He finally called back today, Friday. Even though I'd told him about my symptoms a week ago on Thursday, it seemed clear to me that he hadn't really believed me, that somehow it hadn't sunk in, or that he just thought it'd go away. Grr.

This time he seemed to get it though and wanted me to come back in for more tests. Despite the awful weather, 5 inches of snow interspersed with rain making slush covered roads, I hauled my ass to the office because I AM TIRED OF WAITING.

I mean, seriously, if early detection is such a big deal in health care we're two weeks in at this point. Initially I thought it was a bad side effect to a medication so I gave it a few days to see if it wore off as the drug got out of my system. It took me 2 days and 3 calls to reach him that time.

Anyway, the last set of blood tests didn't turn anything up so he ordered a bunch more. He ran through some physical tests which went pretty well, the sorts of things that make you realize how much more alarming your symptoms could be. And hey, my blood pressure was 112/80 which for me at a doctor's office while having alarming symptoms is *awesome*. (First reading I got the first day I was there was 140/100. It went down a while later.)

Naturally there was one blood test they couldn't do at the office which meant traveling even further through the bad weather, but I wanted it done.

Home safe at last in a new holding pattern.

Parts of me think I should've said this or that when I left my messages or when I talked to him last week to convey my urgency, but mostly I felt pretty damn clear. And even if I should've phrased my messages differently earlier this week, I'm still not taking the blame. He could've had someone else return the call (they do that with nurses sometimes anyway). Whatever.

Mom asked me if I told him I'd left messages. I didn't. My brain was focused on: here's my fucking symptoms, what gives? I didn't want to waste my appointment time antagonizing him. I mean, what do I really care what his excuse is? I don't. I've already run through the obvious reasons he'd probably say in my head anyway. I just want a diagnosis.