Ass Cheeks and Autumn

"Building."

"Cold."

"Restaurant."

"Cold."

"What?" Mom was giving me a look.

"A restaurant's a building."

"So? I can guess whatever I want to." I didn't really have the energy to argue, so I just said, "Chicken."

"Cold."

"Doctor."

"Cold."

"Planet."

"Very slightly warmer."

"Hmm. Space."

"Cold."

"Stars."

"Same."

"Stars are cold?" Mom said.

Dad and I both said, "No, they're the same as 'planet.'" Then I said, "Rings of Saturn."

"Cold."

Mom guessed, "Moon."

"Very slightly warmer."

I said, "Ass cheeks," and Mom and Dad both doubled over laughing, gasping for air. I loved that I'd made them both laugh so hard. After a few moments, I said, "Well?"

Dad recovered and said, "Same, slightly warm."

After several more widely varied rounds of guessing, Mom got another slightly warm hit for autumn.

"So what do stars, planets, ass cheeks and autumn have in common?" I asked, trying to stimulate my brain.

"Yes," Dad said encouragingly.

Mom and I went through the fall holidays, all cold, and then went through many rounds of warm focusing on sunset and sunrise.

Eventually, Mom said, "Rainbow."

"Hot."

I guessed, "Prism."

"Cold."

And then, "Red."

"Ding, ding, ding!"

Another fortune cookie Chinese word solved. I was two for two tonight, yeehaw!

"Well," I said, "I don't think I want to know how ass cheeks are supposed to make me think 'red.'" The real challenge, after all, of our fortune cookie guessing game is the different ways our minds work. Some words are difficult but some are made difficult because of the associations the person rating hot/cold does or does not have. "Unless maybe you were thinking of the baboons. Is that right? Are they the ones with...?"

Over this, Dad said, "Red ass. You know, 'red assing' around."

Mom and I looked at each other and started laughing. "What?"

"You know, when guys are giving each other a hard time."

"Um, no, I've never heard that."

"I haven't either," I added.

"Look it up, I'm sure it'll be in the dictionary."

"OK," I looked at Mom and nodded to the hefty American OED next to the dining room table. "I bet you... a dollar that it won't be in there." Mom flopped the book open and started paging through. "Are you in?"

My dad gave me a calculating glance and said, "Yeah. I'll even pony up my dollar." He took one out of his wallet and set it on the table between us.

"I don't have one on me, but we'll see..."

Mom read off all the red-something entries and all the ass-something entries. Then I made sure she looked up any subheadings under red itself. No red ass.

I snagged the dollar and put it in my pocket. "Thanks." I looked at Mom and said, "See? Guessing things like 'ass cheeks' pays off."


4 years ago on TTaT: 3 on 3