28 June 2007

I want to be an asshole

Really I do. No less than three times did our waiter Mike give me a hard time for getting a Dr Pepper instead of an alcoholic beverage. Once was enough to get me mulling over sobriety comments that would make him feel like an ass, but I just couldn't bring myself to say them.

The second time, I even smiled at him, an autonomic response to teasing for which I wanted to kick myself.

The third time, I brainstormed additional unpleasant reasons one might not be able to drink. Interaction with medications and the conditions they treat could provide slews of comebacks to make Mike to feel like a jerk. I dismissed allergies since that would likely lead to the idiotic, "Oh my god, how do you live?" sorts of comments.

Then this occurred to me:
"The money I saved on my drink was going to fatten your tip, but now, not so much."

Next time, Mike, next time.


  1. Oh, that would have been an excellent retort! I can never think of these comebacks when I need them though, I think it's more that, not that I'm too polite...

    I suppose you could also just not go back ;)

  2. That last realization is what you should've told him. ;-)

  3. I really do not understand why it is such a stigma not to imbibe. Your retort is a good one - hope you get to use it some day!

  4. Sizzle: With all the assholes out there, you'd think it'd be easier. ;)

    Scholiast: Yes, having just the right retort is problematic in the moment. I thought of another which would work well to nip things in the bud after a 1st tease: "Do you have a problem with Dr Pepper?" Requires a totally serious/straight delivery to work though.

    Not going back isn't a consideration- besides I've rarely seen the same staff each time I've been.

    Kapgar: If he'd said one more thing about it, I would've. :)

    Elisabeth: It's such a huge part of being social for most people is my take on it. I will no doubt have other opportunities because this occurs fairly often to me.

  5. Oh my god, such an asshole. I thought there would be some kind of waiter code about not knocking your customers' choices, the way librarians never say, "The Devil Wears Prada...you're really going for the hard reading, aren't you?" and video clerks never say, "More porn for you this evening?"

  6. and video clerks never say, "More porn for you this evening?"

    I did not know that. It's always nice when someone shares her firsthand experiences. ;)