03 May 2009

It's still possible: an interlude

So I was supposed to hear a decision regarding the long-shot grant I applied for in January by May 1st.

On Friday, I got an email saying they hadn't made their decision yet and hoped to notify people shortly. It's probably just procedure, but if it was a definite no, you'd think they'd say so to eliminate your suspense. The idea I might actually get this grant kind of freaked me out. I'm actually more prepared not to get it. That's messed up.

Not saying anything could be a kindness on their part, sort of like waiting to check your lottery tickets after the draw has happened to stretch out the anticipation and daydreams of possibility before confronting the reality.

Either way, it has me thinking about what's next for me, what I want and how to pursue it. Do I create the project of my proposal even if I don't get the grant? Do I finish the book of short stories I'm stalled on presently?

Ahem.neglected writing
Click to embiggen.

Do I start something new? Do I fucking start submitting something somewhere?

Begin anyway, kiddos.

...just what precisely though?


  1. "embiggen"? I like it!

    I don't know what to tell you regarding your next steps. I wish I could, but I'm not one for good advice, really. I'm sure whichever way you go, though, it will work out.

  2. hey, thanks, Kevin. Also, I stole 'embiggen' from Wil Wheaton. I've always liked it.

  3. I think you do this: You work on the project you're most interested in/passionate about, then submit it accordingly. If you do it the other way around (choosing the project to fit the grant), grant committees will see right through it. I don't know how, but they always do. Some kind of laser vision.

    Also, unlike filmmaking (not sure if one of your projects is a film), writing short stories is cheap. Grant schmant! Begin anyway indeed!

  4. I think you've got it nailed. Now just for motivation!

    I'm pretty much past film. So expensive! Also, with writing, hello, you can live off the money rather than spend it on rentals, crew, and so forth.

    Photography's still a contender though, and that would entail getting some gear which I'd like to do some time anyway.