19 July 2005

The book doth murder sleep, the innocent sleep

The past few nights I've had trouble getting to sleep. I thought by finishing the book I might calm my night demons, but I suspect tonight will be no better. What Should I Do With My Life? is a book woven from tales of regular people seeking their own answers to the titular question: people seeking more than a day-job, people trying to find meaning and fulfillment in their lives and work.

That most of them had little clarity when they started was reassuring to me when I started reading, but as I got further into the book, my own indecisiveness weighed more heavily on me. I have no plan and haven't for a long time. I had some goals years ago, but no real strategy for achieving them and certainly no contingency plans. If I had, I might at least have developed a greater tolerance for detours.

In the book, basically no one changed their life, even if they were unhappy, until something significantly bad happened to them (an illness, injury, loss of job, getting screwed over in court, etc.). I knew it to be true, but the more I read, the more it really sank in. My situation, though flawed, is way too comfortable to be a catalyst of significant change. So now what? Do I wait for or precipitate that negative situation? No, but there are likely only stumbling baby steps to be made in the interim. I'm not entirely nowhere, but it sure feels like it.

If you're up for some soul-searching, give it a read.

1 comment :

  1. What do you do now for a living? Fun? etc. What would you want to do if money weren't an issue? (Cathy has never filled in too many of your details beyond your name and that you met in school...)