Fatigued

Fatigued. That's my word for 2022 so far. Not in the pick-a-guiding-principle-for-the-year sort of way, just descriptive.

I recognize it, this particular fatigue, depression gaining ground. I even know its many roots.

We're coming up on 2 years of a global pandemic. I know it's already over two, but in those early days and weeks and months when information was withheld, downplayed, and/or lied about, I wasn't yet truly feeling its impact.

I remember going to an art museum with my parents on March 2, sort of squeaking in before shutdowns which seemed likely started reaching my semi-rural area. That was 2020.

I miss going to museums. It's one of the things that recharges me. I went to one outdoor sculpture exhibit last year and that was it.

The pandemic wasn't even the biggest mental drain for me in 2021. It was almost 10 months of construction right outside starting at 7 am, many days earlier. I'm not a morning person and I'm sensitive to loud noise so it was crushing me. Definitely made it a struggle to concentrate while working from home.

They aren't even done yet. The reprieve is only due to winter. The new replacement bridge is done, the temp bridge removed, but the temporary road 1/2 of which cuts through my yard still needs to be removed. In theory the creek banks are supposed to be "restored," but that's a joke because they cut down 40 trees before they started this project.

Anyway, that will resume once it gets warmer and no doubt be dragged out as the rest of their work has been.

At the beginning of last August, I came down with shingles. I didn't recognize it for what it was missing that critical early treatment window. (Seriously, if you're 50+, get the Shingles vaccine! If younger, learn those symptoms and get treated fast.)

Based on my symptoms, my doctor thought it would last 4 months. It's been over 6 and the rash still hasn't totally healed yet. It is wearisome. Other than rest and clean living, there's not much for it.

In December, I had a dodgy mole in a sensitive spot removed. It needed doing and was fine (not cancerous) so that was a relief but the area is still bruised and uncomfortable.

Then there are the Republicans: their many attacks on voting rights and how elections are held, rigging the system every way they can while undermining their base's confidence in elections so that any time they lose they can yell foul play like kids in a school yard. They are the foulest of all. No true patriot of this country should want any eligible voter prevented from doing so.

Then there's the Republican attacks on women's right to choose (medical decisions are none of your business!), trans kids, LGBTQ rights...

Ggrarrgh!

So I feel like it makes complete sense that I'm feeling depressed all things considered. I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm just losing steam without my old sources of rejuvenation.

10 years ago on TTaT: My kind of dream