Mostly my experience has taught me not to trust my initial judgment of someone's character. Well, I'd like to think it's a lesson I've learned, but I'm still prone to following my gut. Most of the people I've clicked with right off have over time turned out to be unreliable for a variety of reasons, while a few of the people I didn't much care for initially have become my greatest supporters and friends.
The catch is that I remained doggedly loyal to people who let me down again and again. It's easy to do when you're not outgoing. Finding another person you click with who proves reliable in the long run seems an insurmountable task; better to cling to a flawed or unbalanced friendship than to risk being alone. Or so I used to think.
I'm done with "to a fault." If some of those old friends were to start making an effort, I'd be open to it, but I'm not going to chase them around for table scraps of friendship. I'd rather be alone if that's all they have to offer.
A year ago on TTaT: Civic duty
Good thinking. It's hard to do but if we don't stand up for ourselves, who will?
ReplyDeleteExactly.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, it's not so much being "let down" or deceived by a so-called friend. I have finally learned my lesson about toxic friendships, I think. But I do have a friend, and don't take me wrong, I love her dearly, but she contacts me exclusively when she needs something from me. It can sometimes be weeks or even months when I do not hear from her and then, out of the blue, she e-mails me because she needs something from me.
ReplyDeleteElisabeth: Toxic friendships go a slew of levels beyond what I was thinking about when I was writing. Those are much easier to let go of.
ReplyDeleteYour friend is a good example though. That sort of behavior irritates me, so I try to avoid doing it myself. On the flip side though, I know several people who don't really respond or follow through unless something significant is at stake. Friendship via crisis management, if you will.
I've had to give up on some friendships that had endured for many years when I realized I was putting all the work into them. It became exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes downright angering.
ReplyDeleteI'm really grateful for blogging - I may not be the most vocal person lately, but it's nice to have a circle of friendly folks I can visit and read and smile with (or cry with)... I think blogging (at least for me) has created a warm situation where friends visit when they can, and there's not a lot of stress involved.
Hooray for no stress. ;)
Merujo: Yes, that's it exactly. No stress is much preferable to jumping through progressively more torturing hoops of effort that don't get noticed or appreciated anyway.
ReplyDeleteLittle anger left? MMm, maybe. ;)