01 May 2009

Well, it's out of my hands now...

Just sent my dad an email casually mentioning that I may go to a Gay Pride event tomorrow (I would normally just say Pride, but I thought I'd be clear) if the weather clears up which ties into something he'd said. So, casual and not out of context.

Two philosophies I hold lead me to this move:
1. Don't be such a fuckin' pussy.
2. Grace, Humor, Integrity, Courage.

The latter is a prescription, something I wrote down years ago about how I wanted to live my life.

Integrity has always been important to me. This is why a lot of people's actions piss me off. I've tried to let up in the past few years, lower the standards of my word to others', which is good as an effort to take things less literally all the time and stay off the fucking high horse, but that's all. I don't think I'd have been considering and writing about this topic so much this week if I didn't feel my integrity was somewhat compromised.

Grace, well, that's an aspiration. In college, I had a crush on my friend Splice. I was seriously involved at the time. (Was I saying something about integrity before? ;) My girlfriend actually pointed it out to me before I realized it; she was gracious about it. When I awkwardly confessed my feelings to Splice, she was awesome. She let me down in the most graceful way, not making a big deal of it, that allowed us to become better friends.

I've seen people create monsters by handling situations poorly or by not being honest. That moment with Splice is a quintessential moment of grace in my mind, one I aspire to, and alas, often fall short of.

Humor: a great reminder not to take myself too seriously. I think I'm getting better about that. Also, though it may not be my forte because my sense of humor tends to the oblique, I love making people laugh, especially my family. A great belly laugh from one of them--that's awesome. As is anything that makes me laugh out loud. As someone who struggles with depression, things that make me laugh are vital. The more things I have to draw from, the better. (Thank you for a plentiful new source, Bridget McManus!)

•And what to say about Courage? Not e-fuckin'-nough of it most days.

A year ago on TTaT: 5 actually could be the answer


  1. Keep us posted on the aftermath of this momentous e-mail. Interestingly, I am currently reading (or, rather, trying to "crack") Epistemology of the Closet by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick (who passed away recently.) It is one dense work dealing with GL theory tied to literary analysis. Kosofsky Sedwick is intense, incredibly smart, provocative, and very funny at times. Some of her stuff is way beyond me, but I will finish this book.

  2. It's up above now, thanks for asking.