19 December 2005


The xmas card I didn't want to receive came in the mail today (really not a good day for mail). The written note was minimal which suits me well, but it doesn't simplify the rest.

How do I excise someone from my life who was once such a significant part of it? I'm not ready to write all the details. Mostly it was a long time ago, but expectations have survived years of occasional correspondence and phone calls that have only become more infrequent with time. I would gladly think we'd eventually drift into some permanent separation, but I know better as the one so long taken for granted.

The excision will not occur any time near unless I make it explicit because the wedding is next year. It would be better not to be invited than to have to say no.

Any why do I feel propelled to act now right before the holidays? Wanting to start the new year with a clean slate probably accounts for part of it, but it feels too impolite to completely ignore the card.

I hope there's something decent on tv tonight to distract me. I'm between books and just finished an LOTR dvd marathon over the past few nights.

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