23 August 2011

Would you like cheese on that?

Whenever possible, I avoid telephoning, which is to say, I'm really not a phone person. However, sometimes I try to be nice and make calls I normally wouldn't.

"Hi, I'd like to place a pick-up order," I began.

"Sure, go ahead."

"I'd like an 8 inch, steak and cheese. Plain." Pause. "An 8 inch, steak and cheese, with lettuce. Roasted peppers. And yellow mustard."

The woman on the phone read back to me, "An 8 inch, steak and cheese, plain and an 8 inch, steak and cheese with roasted peppers, yellow mustard, and I'm sorry, what?"


"Lettuce, right."

Looking at my mom's scrawled cursive on the back of an envelope, I read off, "And a turkey wrap with tomatoes. Black olives. And spicy mustard."

"Would you like cheese on that?"

"I don't know. Hang on a sec, I'll ask." I covered the mouthpiece, held it away, and turned my head to yell upstairs. "Hey, Mom! Do you want cheese on your wrap?"

Mom yelled back, "Sure."

I uncovered the mouthpiece and brought the phone back to my ear. "Sure."

"Is American OK?"

"Uh, hang on."

I put my hand over the mouthpiece and held the phone away again. "Is American OK?" I hollered.

"What?" Mom called down.

"American cheese, is that OK?"

"I don't want cheese."

I exhaled at the comedy of errors in progress and brought the phone back to my ear. "I'm sorry, no cheese on the wrap."

The young woman on the line said, "Sounds like my family," which made me laugh. "So that's a turkey wrap with lettuce, tomato, black olives, and spicy mustard."

Mom hadn't asked for lettuce but I figured she wouldn't care and I wanted to keep things simple at this point. "Right."

"Would you like spices on that?"

"I have no idea." I heard Mom walking down the stairs, so I added, "Hang on, I'll let her tell you herself," as I walked over and passed the phone off to her.

Um, next time I think I'll just let Mom call.

A year ago on TTaT: 4-H


  1. Takes me back to my days of answering phones at a pizza place. I always had to ask, "Would you like a salad or drinks or extra cheese?" They never did, and the regulars got really tired of being asked.

  2. Oh man, when I worked customer service, I was supposed to answer the phone by saying, "Thanks a million for calling Books-A-Million! This is Claire, how may I help you?" Which I did whenever a manager was within earshot, but the rest of the time I truncated it since it was such a mouthful and people just want to get to the part where you help them.