17 February 2009

Out of time

Lately, I find myself obsessed with looking up actors that I find appealing only to discover that they're a few years younger than I am. Which, honestly, is horribly depressing because then I think, Look what they've already accomplished, how much further they've advanced professionally in less time. Course it's not like acting has a linear, cumulative path towards success, so that's something, sort of.

And Kari Matchett is actually three years older than I am which is a little reassuring. I know, 3 years plus or minus is no big deal, but there is something to feeling completely outclassed.

The clothes, the sense of purpose, and the goals that go with someone in her mid-thirties: I just don't have them.

Is it only fear constraining me?

No. There's a fundamental mistrust of paths to success which are based more on socializing than merit. And contempt, can't forget the contempt.

Mi dispiace if that's harsh. Just feel like I can't breathe today.

A year ago on TTaT: A 30% chance shouldn't feel like doom...

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