07 February 2009

I want to go to there

The clock reads 1:53 AM. I roll over and close my eyes, pull the covers up, adjust my pajamas.
I think you'll figure it out.
I think you'll figure it out.
I think you'll figure it out.

A litany to prime my dreams.

I think you'll figure it out.
Wait. Or was it, "I think you'll know?"

I replay the scene in my head, testing the phrases.

I think you'll know?
I think you'll figure it out.
I think you'll know.
I think you'll figure it out.
I think it's "I think you'll figure it out," but I'm not sure.
"I think you'll know" is stronger.
Whatever. Doesn't matter. It's close enough.

I roll over and glance at the clock: 2:17 AM.

Frak! I'm thinking too much.

With eyelids shut, I slow my breathing and heart rate. The words become a protracted meditation.

I think you'll figure it out.
I think you'll figure it out.
I think you'll figure it out.
Just. go. to. sleep.

A few minutes later, I check the clock again. It's 5:13 AM, but I don't feel like I've slept at all. I must have but I feel like I never stopped trying to trigger the dream.

I think you'll know.

I couldn't recall having any dreams during that three hour stretch.

You're trying too hard. Just let it go.

I relaxed into the mattress and waited to return to sleep.


2 years ago on TTaT: Living well

No comments :

Post a Comment