03 September 2005

Trivial in comparison

With everything going on, I know this is trivial, but I am sick at heart because I believe my negatives have been lost in the mail. I sent two strips to have two 12"x18" enlargements made to a place whose work I trust. They always promptly email when they receive something and then email again when the order is being shipped. No word on receipt and it's long overdue.

Yes, I have the 4"x6" prints and even low-res scans of the photos, but it's not the same; besides, I'd need a much better scanner to get a print that looked good enlarged that much. Also, it's not just two photos, but the negatives for 8 that are lost to me. Worse yet, it feels like some cruel sign. I've had 8"x10"s made now and then, but I wanted to see if something Large would inspire some direction in me.

Though I've had various jobs in my life and am currently unemployed, I'm searching... searching for something more than office work to commit my talents to. Despite the weight of my career indecision, I know that my writing and my photography are the closest manifestion of a life's work that I have. To lose any part of it is a gut punch and spit in the eye from the Universe.

Nagging at me all the more is that I was hesitant to mail them. I packed them well, handed them directly to someone at the post office, and yet my intuition repeatedly told me it was a bad idea from the beginning. I can't say I didn't listen to it, I did. I weighed the options and decided to take the risk. It just appears that my luck has taken a sour turn. I just hope my negatives find their way back to me eventually.

*UPDATE* 9/13/05 Well my negatives did finally reach their destination in Seattle. Hopefully it won't take another 3 weeks for them to return to me. In any case, I'm relieved and will be much more so when they're back in my hands.

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