09 November 2009

Side effects of writing about one's voice

Yesterday, while feeling frustrated, I wrote The literal sotto voce: behind the scenes of an introvert's voice. Timing is everything, as they say. Had I written it right after dinner, I wouldn't have played up not talking so much because in those moments it wouldn't really have been valid.

During the night I had a long, vivid, what-the-fuck dream. As I mulled it over today, I realized it might very well have stemmed from my writing.

It was Christmas eve and I was due to be hanged by my brother. Next to a fully decorated and lit Christmas tree surrounded by gifts in the living room. The gallows were set up beside it. The first attempt didn't take because the knots were all wrong: not a proper noose nor a proper weight bearing knot. I leaned forward, the rope against my neck, but it didn't tighten and after a few moments it slid off the gallows.

The failure provided me a slight reprieve during which I suggested they might not want to hang me next to the tree for the sake of my 6 year old niece. Or for the ew factor of having someone executed in your living room. The suggestion was ignored, however, something about providing a nice image for me when I died.

I had no sense that I'd done anything criminal, unsavory, or otherwise deserving a death penalty. Couldn't even say if I'd been tried in a legitimate legal sense. Didn't even have any ill will because of my fate. It was what it was.

Eventually they--a couple of indeterminate guys, one who was my brother though he didn't look like him--got the knots sorted out on the gallows. But then my brother set me loose on the condition I be forever banished from home.

Last thing I remember was walking down a road alone, the trees still aflame with autumn color.

I don't know about the rest, but I think the hanging has to do with my throat actually being slightly raw. (Feels better today, huzzah!) The storyline was weird though. Not in the least alarming, just odd. Anyone else have an interpretation?


Two years ago on TTaT: In case you didn't know, I support the WGA

6 comments :

  1. Aha, stopped at a Michael's this evening, chock full o' Christmas goods and music and remembered I'd looked through lots of flyers touting xmas goods. Might well explain the Christmas-eve-ness of my dream...

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  2. This is so unusual I'll pass it along to a long time friend who works as a therapist. It makes me wonder what your parents are like and how old you are. The blog is brilliant and reveals your ingenuity. Hope we will share a few things in the future

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  3. Thanks, Realo! I'd be curious to know what your therapist friend thinks.

    I'm 36, and my parents are quite a pair, still talking at cross purposes to one another after nearly 50 years marriage.

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  4. Being hanged next to a Christmas tree in your living room by your own brother and you don't find that alarming? Here in my bed just waking up I found that just a little terrifying.

    Then again, perhaps it's an increased awareness
    of my own mortality now that I'm getting older. ;)

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  5. Hi Claire,

    I notice you update quickly, so here's a heads up that I might not get word from my friend until next week... but it will likely be interesting -:)

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  6. Iron Fist: I know, right? It's super rare for me to have nightmares though, and even if this might read like one, it didn't feel at all like one.

    I was more frustrated this morning dreaming about a haberdashery in NM with how much they were going to charge me to adjust the brim of my Stetson.

    Realo!: No worries. Some weeks I post more frequently than others, but generally I endeavor to keep up with my comments. I get email notifications of them in any case. Thanks for the heads up, and I look forward to your friend's take. :)

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